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Hello,
I'm not sure if this is the right board to be posting on, but I'd really appreciate some advice.
I am a young female software engineer (33) who is trying to find her place in this male-dominated world. I have done well, growing with each job and am currently leading a small team of engineers.
I took my last job just under a year ago. I was drawn to the job primarily because it offered me the opportunity to telecommute several days a week, it was a lead position (that I hadn't officially had) that my manager promised he would help me grow into, and lastly, I thought that my manager was a relaxed, easygoing, humble man.
It's been almost a year, and my manager has left for stretches at a time with me in charge, offering no support, but criticizing my every move. He doesn't confront me 1-on-1, but is aggressive in email (to me alone, as well to me in a group). When I ask him for feedback, he says he is happy with me. This position has also turned out to be much more production support and maintenance than new development, which I was unaware of when I took the job.
I have been approached by a company that I have admired from afar. They found me on LinkedIn. I have had 3 phone screens and they want to bring me in for a 5-hour interview.
I am terrified. I don't know what my priorities are anymore. I know that I'm not happy, but I also do feel I have the support of other co-workers, and even my boss's boss (so I don't feel like my current job is in jeopardy, it's just a very unpleasant situation). I suspect this new job would push me to be a far better engineer. I would be in a high-energy environment with brilliant minds.
Working from home is (I think) very important to me. The HR reps I spoke to from the (new) company said the policy varies between departments.
I am somewhat newly married, my husband and I are starting think think about having children. I know my current job would complement my family goals, but I am not sure about my career goals. I don't really enjoy the work anymore, but I do think there's a chance I could move into a new capacity there if I spoke to my boss's boss (the VP of engineering, who seems to really like me). My current company is small (200 or so) and the new company is 3,000.
I realize I'm all over the place here, but I'm just feeling so anxious. I guess my questions are:
How do you determine the best job to grow?
How do you balance work/life goals?

I had told the HR person that working from home wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I'm starting to think it is (at least 1 day a week). In your experience, is working-from-home negotiable? I probably am getting ahead of myself, but I'm not sure if I should re-iterate my desires in a new job before taking a day off to go interview.

ANY guidance (other than breathing!) is appreciated.

Liz, thank you for your reply! I'm a little star struck that you actually responded to me (even though I've seen you reply to most people!)

I spoke with the HR rep again today. Part of the problem is that there are at least 2 roles open, so I would be interviewing at the company without being necessarily targeted for one of the departments.

She also said that at this company, working from home doesn't help people succeed as much, because the environment is so agile. I suspect there is something to that, as much as I hate to admit it. She went on to say that there is no company policy regarding working from home - but that the company is very flexible (in fact, the average age of the employees there is 33) in terms of work/life balance. She said rather than promise me something, she'd rather I be pleasantly surprised if my manager agrees to such a situation.

At this point, I have an on-site interview scheduled next week. I think I will go through with it, and if they like me, negotiate at that point.

I still get soooo nervous for interviews! The funny thing is, I've been on the other end of it a LOT lately, and after each candidate comes through, I say to myself "Remember the caliber of these candidates if/when you interview at your next job!" I have been astounded that I felt I knew so much more than these candidates, yet I constantly feel insecure about my abilities. I always feel like I'm fooling people or I'm just lucky when I do well in an interview, yet I've been offered almost every job I've ever interviewed for. Does it ever get any easier?

Thanks again for your insight and support!!!

So let's use that nervousness -- you get to go into the interview with the posture "Yo, I'm already working, so let's see if you guys impress me." THEY don't know that you don't love your job -- that's your business! You're in the best possible interview situation. Go there with no nerves, because after all, they came after you!

Let them sell you --- if you're not feeling it, then you stick it out at the current job for awhile. You are in the driver's seat here! If you're nervous, you can say to them "You know what, I get really freaked out at interviews. I guess that's why I'm still in my current job, ha-ha." The best thing to do is name whatever you're feeling -- really helps with the nerves and clears the air. They'll appreciate your candor, too. We're rooting for you!!!! Liz